Look at what banning guns for police officers in Britain has done:

“Gary – standing at 6′3″ – dwarfs other officers on the beat and admits his physique is definitely an asset for tackling trouble-makers – helping him collar thousands of crooks in his career so far.”

Because Britain does not allow officers to carry firearms (they have to call in a special unit for that), their officers had to adapt. They adapted by becoming powerful super-cops! We as Americans cannot fall behind!

Iran has recently started cracking down on citizens wearing “satanic” clothing. As a sophisticated and open-minded individual, I agree with their decision to avoid following Western trends. Only if more nations followed Iran’s example and preserved their respective cultures. I particularly agree with Iran’s decision to keep women from being objectified by not allowing them to wear clothes that are considered revealing: “Women are supposed to wear clothing that covers their hair and disguises the shape of their bodies. But some, particularly in cities, wear headscarves pushed back well beyond their hairlines and sport tight-fitting outfits.” I really wish America would go about empowering women in this way. We must push for more nations to preserve their cultures and I suggest we start by having counter-protests against protesters like these:

Anyone notice that the increase in piracy occurred around the time of the drop in gas prices? This must be the work of the evil petroleum industry. In order to get the dropping gas prices back up the oil companies are hiring pirates to hijack tankers which results in a decreased supply of gas. With a drop in supply, the price goes up. We must warn the world!

Upon hearing the news that Barack Obama will be our next president, polar bears have started to exhibit behavior signaling that the end of global warming is near. The following photograph of a polar bear gathering wood to build a shelter as well as a fire might be a warning that our next president will be so efficient that he will actually reverse the process of global warming:

New environmentally-friendly energy sources are closer to development and implementation than we previously thought making all of Obama’s energy policies slightly more feasible. We do not need to worry about biofuels increasing the price of food or new regulations on the coal industry indefinitely increasing our energy costs. Ford, Chrysler, and General Motors have been doing their best to obtain this technology to use in their cars to further their case for a bailout. We expect the technology to be powering all of America within the first two years of Obama’s presidency. The following diagram of the perpetual motion device has been leaked on an online discussion board:

A fourteen year old student decided to conduct an experiment at her middle school about political tolerance. On the first day, she would write down everything said to her while she wore a McCain-friendly shirt and on the next she would write down everything said to her while she wore an Obama-friendly shirt. While wearing the McCain-friendly shirt, she was called stupid, told to die, and was even passively insulted by an instructor. She received very few positive comments and one involved a girl pulling her aside and whispering to her “I really like your shirt.” Of course when she wore the Obama-friendly shirt, she received compliments throughout the day. While one might state that her little experiment confirms the intolerance of the group that preaches tolerance, I would like to say who the heck trusts a fourteen year old with an experiment? First of all, children are too unreliable to run reliable experiments, and secondly, our group that preaches tolerance had a woman and a black man competing in our primary while the Republican Party had a primary filled with old white men. And do not even bother to mention that Colin Powell was considered for the Republican ticket in 1995. Sure, polls may have shown that he might have beat Clinton but there is something called the Bradley Effect. The racists would never vote for a black man and Clinton would have won. Also, the experiment obviously showed that the left is more tolerant. Our tolerance of people is not based on their skin color, gender, or sexual orientation, but on their beliefs and ideas. We like to look deeper and see if they are intelligent human beings or some bitter nuts clinging to religion and guns. Is that not the definition of tolerance?